Surrendered…Forward

Surrendered Forward, What in the world could I mean by that, bear with me and I will share.

The Lord desires our surrender. He waits for us to give him our hurts, our dreams, our failures, our insecurities. He wants our thoughts and our hearts. No matter the circumstance his desire is that we give it to him, trust him and move forward. Sounds easy enough, but sometimes it is so hard to do, especially when it cost us something and it hurts to let go.

I have had many times in my life when I have found surrender hard. I did not want to let go or face my own failure. As I drove home from a lovely baby shower I was thinking about my second baby, the one I never got to rock to sleep or hear its first cry. In my mind, I was taken back in time over thirty years ago when the doctor said we can no longer hear a heartbeat, I feel you will lose this baby. My heart sank, it actually felt like I couldn’t breathe, No I screamed in my head to God, No!

For a week I prayed with everything I had in me, begging God to please let me keep my baby. I couldn’t sleep, I did not want to eat, I felt broken. So, pray and beg I did, I probably even made lots of promises to God if I could just keep my baby. This underlying request was going through my heart and mind; it was like the incessant waves on the shore and the roar of the ocean, constant in my mind and heart “surrender this child to me.” I could hear the faint words, but still did not want to “give in.” So, finally I was ready, I was alone, crying feeling uncertain, yet I spoke these words to God aloud, “Lord, if it is not your will for me to have this baby, then I ask you to take it now, because every minute I carry it, I love and want it more. I surrender my will to your will.” There was no angel harps, not a sound, just me laying it down, giving this child up to God’s will. I walked no more than thirty paces and “it” happened, I felt the gush, I knew it was over. My baby would never see this side of heaven. I actually held my sweet baby in my hands, marveling at how it was forming, wondering if it was a boy or girl, softly crying, yet with peace, I cannot explain, knowing that God’s perfect will had just been done, my soul was a rest.

God did not need my surrender to have his way, he could have allowed me to lose my baby all while fighting him for possession, but God is a gentleman, He allowed me to wrestle and hold on until I was spent, until I allowed my faith to catch my wants and I rested in his perfect will, no matter the outcome. Did it stop me from being sad, from missing the smell of a newborn, no, I had to plod through life each day knowing that my sweet angel was in heaven and trusting that I will one day see my baby who is safe with Jesus, untouched and unspoiled by this world.

There have been times when I have had to surrender my own failures to the Lord. I have held onto my disappointment and had it make me feel trapped and unworthy. I have spat in the face of grace deeming myself too unworthy of forgiveness. And at those time I have been reminded that it was not me who saved me and called me to Christ Jesus, it was him and the work and salvation he is doing in my heart and life are all by him. He chose to forgive me long before I failed. With each insult that was hurled, each strike of the whip and every spike that was driven into his hands and feet had my name on them. He chose to forgive me and call me before I was ever born. So, being reminded of this great grace, I made the decision to surrender my failures, big and small; I have chosen to surrender my imperfections and fumblings. Knowing that I can never do any good to make up for them, I simply fall on the grace of God, knowing it is enough and that when the Father looks at me He sees Jesus, his perfection, his righteousness. He sees me as I was meant to be and as I will one day be when I am finally with him. I no longer hold onto my hurts and failures like a toddler who does not want to open its hands and show you what is inside.

There is such freedom in surrender, such a peace, and assurance that comes from knowing “God has it, He can handle it, He will use it.” Nothing that touches us is meant to keep us bogged down, stopped in our tracks reliving it over and over. It is meant to “move us forward” in our walk and relationship with Christ Jesus. It is meant to smooth those areas of our lives that still need to be molded and made to look more like Jesus. He can handle our pain, He can handle our anger, He can handle our disappointment when we give it to him. There is nothing the devil likes better than to see a Christian wallering in self- pity, defeat and self- loathing. He cannot steal our salvation, but he can sure try to keep us weighted down and self-focused; allowing him to steal our joy and peace of mind, keeping us from moving forward in our relationship with Jesus.

Jesus surrendered his will for the Father’s in the Garden. Not my will, but thine be done. He knew the cost, He knew the pain yet he surrendered trusting his Father to work it out for his good for his glory. It did not mean he would not be sad for a time, he would not feel disappointment, fear, and pain. Afterall he was a man, he had friends, he loved being with them. So, he understands when we are reluctant, yet says, give it to me, trust me. We have to give up our right to be hurt and offended. We must walk knowing God’s Got It! And remember Jesus is praying for you…always before the Father.

Here are a few scriptures to bless you and help you along your way.

Isaiah 45:9 “Woe to the one who quarrels with his Maker, An earthen vessel among the vessels of Earth! Will the clay say to the potter, What are you doing? Or the thing you are making say, ‘He has no hands?’

Isaiah 64:8 “But now, O Lord, You are our Father, WE are the clay, and You are our potter; all of us are the work of your hand.”

Mark 8:35 “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whosoever loses his life for My sake and the gospels will save it.”

Job 11:13-15 “Surrender your heart to God, turn to him in prayer, and give up your sins-even those you do in secret. Then you won’t be ashamed; you will be confident and fearless.”

Matthew 16:24-27 “Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what shall a man give in return for his soul? For the Son of Man is going to come with his angels in the glory of his Father, and then he will repay each person according to what he has done.”

Psalm 9:10 “And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you.”

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