Waiting On God

Psalm 37:7 “Rest in the Lord and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes.”

I have shared with you briefly about the abuse I suffered at the hands of my dad. What I have not shared is that he was not the only one abusing me during that time. Different people, each with their own agenda and none with the knowledge of the others deeds. I was a “victim” with a “victim mentality” and they knew it!

I had very low self-esteem when I was younger and to be honest it tries hard to seep back into my life even now. Especially when I feel “less than” what the world says I should be. However, when I feel that feeling of “less” come on me I ask my Father in heaven for help and he faithfully moves me through it. Reminding me that I am not just somebody, I am the daughter of The King of Kings and the Lord of Lords, valuable and loved by him. But getting back to my “victim mentality,” I was easy prey for anyone looking to go on the hunt. I had already been preprogrammed to keep my mouth shut and just take it, so I did until I didn’t.

I will not go into all the” who” of who they were. A couple of them moved on and so it took care of itself, and the two other men, I made the decision to avoid at all costs. Sadly one was a teacher who thought he could force himself on me. He was a large man, a football coach at our school. He grabbed me and pulled me away from prying eyes. Not only was I scared, but this was a family friend who knew of the abuse I had suffered and took advantage of it, he also was very involved in the church he attended, an upstanding man in our community every thought. The other was a man I dearly loved and respected. He had filled the void left by my dad, so when at the age of fourteen he decided to suddenly change on me, simply put it broke my heart in more ways than I can say. It also eventually cost me a dear precious friend who was like a sister to me.

To say that confusion filled my heart and mind is more than an understatement. I figured I was the “problem,” I was somehow flawed and all the perverts in the world gravitated to me. God had made me “broken,” it seemed. However, even then I had faith, I remembered the faith lessons from my grandmother and put them into practice once again. It was “mustard seed” faith, but faith was there, so I did what I knew to do I prayed and I waited. Scripture tells us to wait patiently, now I am not so sure I was being overly patient, but I had no choice, so I waited.

I do not know what has happened to a couple of these men, but two are born again believers. Which makes my heart glad! Yes, glad. God has moved on them and they have repented and turned from their sin, they also asked for forgiveness. Who am I that I would not forgive, I am a sinner saved by grace in need of forgiveness on a daily basis. Scripture is clear about how God wants us to forgive. Matthew 18:21-22 “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? 22 Jesus saith unto him, I say not thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven,” which means constant forgiveness, our forgiveness does not end. And then we read these powerful words, which I will admit has moved me to forgiveness more than any other. Matthew 6:15 “But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Ouch! I want and need His forgiveness!!!!!!

I know that although it seems that the evil ones in the world are prospering and going about their business as though nothing has changed does not make it so. God has his ways of taking care of these people. I obviously am not in their lives and I have not seen any “revenge” exacted from them, but God tells me in his word that He takes care of the wicked. Vengence is His.

God’s word says in 2 Thessalonians 1:8 says, “He will punish those who do not know God and do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus.” and then we read in Deuteronomy 32:35 “It is mine to avenge; I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” Lastly, this little nugget is in Proverbs 20:22 “Do not say, “I’ll pay you back for this wrong!” Wait for the Lord, and he will avenge you.”

Here is what I know, if these men have not repented of all their sins and been born again, their future is hell! God takes care of us, He does not always remove the obstacles in our path, but he can take the bad and make it good. It takes a surrendering of our own, an unwavering faith that somehow, some way, someday God will use it for our good and his glory. God’s ways are not our ways, truly I cannot figure out and don’t really want to anymore why he allows the things that he does. I gave all this “garbage” to him a long time ago. He has removed all the hurt from my past, yes “ALL” as though it never were. He has moved me along in this faith walk at the pace I can follow and he continues to grow and stretch my faith sometimes daily.

I can look back at that little girl, that teenager and see the pain and confusion she is experiencing and I want to tell her to be strong, that God is on her side, He is with her and one day it really will be okay. She really will not hurt anymore. God’s purpose is never to crush us but to grow us. I am thankful that he trusted me with this testimony. I am thankful that he continues to reveal himself to me in wonderful ways, I am thankful for this life he has blessed me with, ALL of it! My life may not look or sound like it has been perfect and by the worlds standards it has been not so great, but I live by the word of God and what he says. If he calls it perfect for me than I choose by faith to believe him. Yes, it is really that simple. I choose a childlike faith that says his way is best, his way is for my good, his way will lead me eventually to my heavenly home and eternity with him. Wow, how awesome is that!

I do not know if you have a heavy-weight of burden or a deep hurt that someone has caused. I do know that God is bigger than our hurts. I know that God is with us and he can and will see you through when you trust him. I know that God is bigger than your worse day. I know that God never leaves us or forsakes us and that his ways and purposed are much higher and greater than ours. And I know that even though it seems the wicked are prospering unfazed by what they do that simply is not true. One day if not this day, unless they repent and surrender their lives to Christ, hell and eternal damnation are theirs. I do not wish that on even the worst offender. I think we have no idea how truly horrible hell is and because of the blood of Christ that has been applied to my life and hopefully yours, we will never know!